Ann-Margaret's Visions » A little glimpse of the world through my eyes as I run my business, enjoy photography, share my crafting creativity, enjoy designing personalized gifts, spend time with my sweet hubby, love my furry baby Tucker the Westie, and continue to grow in my FAITH.

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It’s Ok to Not Be Ok Some Days ~ Coping with Loss…Healing and Unraveling

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Today I am reminded of something that I already knew…that God has already shared with me, and that I feel I have reflected on through messages with my precious Kaylee ~ that this journey of grief is not one to overcome…to get through. Rather it is a continual journey of healing and unraveling…healing and unraveling. It also involves continual accepting. Some days I think I put alot of pressure on myself to make it through the day, the sadness, the pain, the missing her so much, and I think I need to kindly remind myself that “flowing” is going to be my friend more than “getting through” ~ because when we grieve for someone we love we don’t ever “get through or get over it”. No, it is more about learning to lean into the pain, accept the sadness, remind ourselves that this is part of the journey, hold God’s hand tighter, and allow ourselves to be hugged by His peace and comfort. And, it’s about allowing ourselves to be ok with the “not ok”.

Some days I feel my heart has felt even more broken since Kaylee’s b’day, and I struggle with anxiety and stress more…I am quite certain my mind anticipates the one year anniversary of her receiving her angel wings. It will be painful ~ so today I’m gonna give myself a little hug and tell “me” that it’s ok to not be ok…that she is walking with me each day and God is always holding my hand. And, I am going to breathe a little deeper a few extra times and realize my need to share my heart and healing is part of this journey. I can’t help but smile sometimes if I think about how I may appear to someone that I pass as I’m out walking Cooper…smiling, saying “hello”, maybe even stopping to chat a moment or let our fur babies touch noses {if I feel the other fur baby is safe!}…yet maybe only moments before exiting my house I was dabbing at tear filled eyes and encouraging myself with cheerleading affirmations that I will be ok and can get through this day. πŸ™‚ I share this for me…but also because there may be some of you trying to “flow” with something difficult in your lives. More and more I feel nudged in my heart to share with you ways I am coping, trying to heal, and just move through the days when my heart feels so very overwhelmed. I often bounce back and forth between a million artistic ideas and thoughts, some days feeling so “itchy in my skin” as I like to call it ~ just not ever feeling like I’m accomplishing even the beginning of what I had hoped to.

My sweet mama has often said to me, “Be kind to YOU, Ann~Margaret…I don’t think you are being very sweet to YOU!” πŸ™‚ I smile because she would be saying this during a time when maybe I was putting alot of pressure on myself for this or that, pushing myself with late hours and little sleep, or something of this nature. She still has to say this to me sometimes! LOL But, you know, our precious mamas have alot of wisdom to share with us so I think I’m going to take her up on her suggestion. I’m going to try to be kinder to me…to not allow myself to feel that I am not doing such a great job with this grief thing, to let go of the frustration I am holding onto because some days my focus isn’t where I need or want it to be, and to realize that it’s ok to not be ok…it’s ok for my heart to hurt, for me to miss my sweet Kaylee more than I can ever express, it’s ok for me to cry on the pickle aisle πŸ™‚, and by golly, it’s ok for you, too! πŸ™‚ I’m hugging you today, and I hope you know that you aren’t alone if you also have some of these moments or feelings with things you struggle with in your life. The hard stuff really can be so very hard, but God is holding our hands…the most promising and reassuring thing I can share with you is that He is going to keep on keepin’ on! I’m so glad because I sure am squeezing it tight! πŸ™‚ *And, just look at how He creatively reminds us “Hello…I’m right here with you!”

*I’m having a cuppa and linking up with other bloggers at ~

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